It's important we understand Boaz accepted Ruth where she (was) in life not where he thought she should be. I'm sure there were plenty women more beautiful and successful then Ruth relative to material gain, but Boaz wasn't concerned with that. Success isn't totally based on degrees, accolades and riches. Success is based on your level of happiness within your situation no matter where you are in life.
Oftentimes we miss our blessing because we're looking at the physical alone. We must look at both physical and spiritual. We must be equally yoked: Mentally, sexually, spiritually, educationally, and somewhat financially. It's important to select what you like yet your selection should be more than just physical or material.
Anyone can get married, the challenge is staying married. The challenge is staying romantic. The challenge is staying spiritual. The challenge is staying sexual. The challenge is staying in LOVE. Most (not all) men fail to realize this: Women are about progression and change. Whereas men are about stability and things remaining the same.
Example: A man can work, come home, take out the garbage, watch sports and chill. To him his life and marriage is wonderful, but to his wife their marriage sucks. Why? Because men are familiar with routines. Women are more so creatures of progression. A woman will be at home on the couch with her husband thinking about repainting the walls, time for new furniture, ready to move to a bigger house, ready for another vacation, ready for another date night, etc.
The mind of a woman is always thinking progression. When men understand this is when relationships will last longer. Men must understand marriage is also about competition. Which is why you should always compliment your spouse before anyone else. Continue to further yourself in all aspects of life. If you're gonna be with someone forever you should keep in mind that involves work, but the work has a payoff. Keep your mind on being the best within the competition of love. Remember, in the animal kingdom you must fight and compete to mate. The same is for humans on a more social/intellectual level.
As Mary J. Blige said "I can love you better than she can". As Jamie Foxx said "I can see things ain't right on the home front and she wants me to beat it beat it". Yes my friends, love is about competition. This isn't to say one should feel insecure but one should also understand what can cause him or her to become replaced. It's not the fact you lost your job, it's the fact you became defeated after losing your job and allowed a season of lack to become a permanent lifestyle. Thus s/he got tired of living in poverty and cheated or filed for divorce.
Women have to learn to be patient as well. The way you think marriage is 9 out of 10 isn't correct. The person whose gonna hurt you the most, not support you, break your heart, lie to you the most is your spouse. Not all of it will be intentional nor will it be excusable; however, it's going to happen.
The best way to keep things tight is to be nonjudgmental as it relatives to communication between you and your lover. This comes with time. Once you move pass the stage of thinking making your lover feel inferior is when you'll see progress. I tell couples all the time..."you're on the same team!"
The right one you meet is going to come with baggage, problems, and shortcomings. It's on you to decide what you're willing to put up with. For me I can't handle infidelity nor can I handle being accused of it. People fail to realize the power of their thoughts and their tongue. If you keep accusing your child of stealing out the cookie jar sooner or later s/he just might do it. Why? Because you've already condemned him or her without the payoff now they feel what's the sense of being honorable if I'm being accused? Might as well be accused and enjoy the payoff of the accused. It's not cute or kosher to accuse someone simply based on your insecurities and folly.
Love is like life. It has a start and an end. Who knew the tears that flowed down your face when you said "I do" are the same tears flowing down your face during the divorce process, wow...who knew? This is the results of the little foxes destroying the vine. In your relationship you must kill the little foxes, you must address the little things for they feed and grow into big things. This is why honesty and communication is the key.
Set goals for your relationship. You must have a 2,4,6,8,10 year plan. Baby in 2 years from now I expect us to have our graduate degrees. In 4 years from now I expect us to move into our own home. In 6 years from now I expect us to have children. In 8 years from now I expect us to have our own side business making well over 100k a year, etc... This doesn't have to exactly be the model, but you must create one or slowly lose the love of your life!
This is how the two of you will build an empire. But you must keep the lines of communication open. Speak up when you're in pain. Speak up when you feel something is unfair. Speak up no matter what, but speak in terms of love and endearment. This isn't corporate America, this is your wife you're talking to. It's okay to speak and cry. Crying only means you're hurting yet you really care. That's what manhood is all about. It's about emotions and intellect wrapped into effective communication.
None of this is possible without the help of GOD. Recognize his strength above your own. Keep GOD as the head and you'll remain ahead of the curve balls life often throws. Watch the overlay for the underplay. Jesus said it best "men should always pray". A man without a prayer life is a man without a compass.
Stay in PEACE,
Dr. Jim Allen
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