With an economy such as this one I encourage ALL men to wait, think twice...in fact think really hard before you consider getting married. Marriage is called an INSTITUTION for a reason and most crazy people are in institutions, lbvs. The foundation of marriage is money and once the money is gone the love is soon to follow. Trust me.
I was married for 16 years so I know what its like to love someone and then things slowly fall a part. My marriage was great, but then the little foxes of life begin to destroy the vine. Small things (not dealt with) in a marriage grow and become big things out of control or hard to comprehend, soon you all can't stand each other and you find yourselves cheating in your social media inbox.
The thing with Black women (not all) is once you lose your job you're gonna also lose your family unless GOD blesses you to find another job like really quick. Black women (not all) will put up with you not working/laid off for maybe a month, after that you better get a job delivering pizza or some thing because the complaints and arguments are sure to come.
What I've observed and seen with my own four eyes is when a Black woman (not all) is ready to move on she does it in a cold-hearted fashion. She waits till the time is ripe and puts her man out the house when he's jobless or have nowhere to go. She's very calculated about it, she makes sure all her ducks are lined up then she takes her shot. BOOM. BANG. POW. Nigga get your stuff and get your broke a$$ out of "MY HOUSE",
"lol...hey brotha, remember when you were working and it was (y'all) house? But now that you're not working she says 'MY HOUSE!' That's one of those little foxes I referred to earlier. Even though she said its cool, you can move in, she really didn't mean it or think you all would still be living there after 5 years of marriage. Hell, she thought y'all would of been moved by now!"
A woman wants to get married and purchase a house together. Never start a marriage off by living in your wife's house because when the arguments jump off and words of love and war starts getting flung around she's gonna be sure to let you know whose house it is. The problem with most Black men is in our minds SEPARATION means DIVORCE. To a Black man if he's not living with you then y'all are divorced and only married on paper of which he doesn't respect.
There are a lot of Black men who are legally married but feel like "we don't live together, sleep together, so we're divorced!" That may be true emotionally, but its not true legally. As I was dating a woman I was also going through a divorce; however, in my head I was divorced already thus it was okay for me to date another woman. The problem is it wasn't okay because my paperwork wasn't fully complete. The woman I dated after finding out I was still legally married threw it up in my face every chance she got which in turn caused me to suddenly leave her and date another woman of whom I unwisely and abruptly married.
I was divorced and re-married within the same year, now tell me that ain't stupid?! But it was actually out of a reaction to the woman I dated finding out I was still legally married and throwing it up in my face even though that marriage was emotionally over, nevertheless, she threw it up in my face so much I suddenly left her, started dating another woman and within weeks we were married after my divorce from my first wife was over. Needless to say that marriage died as well because it was something we rushed into without really knowing each other.
What I should of done was went to a friend's house or men's shelter after me and my 1st wife divorced, got myself together and then moved forward on the pathway to reconstruction, but instead I started dating right away, paying bills for other women which handicapped me from being on my own. I was so use to being in a relationship to the degree I was programmed that's what my life is suppose to be...in a relationship or married.
There are a lot of Black men in the situation I was in. Your wife waits till you're helpless (not to say you're totally innocent) and puts you out in the street or says "if you don't leave I'm gonna take the kids and leave" so you leave because you don't want your children not having anywhere to go. Now, you're basically homeless...you start dating out of self preservation, you then get re-married while deep within you are a broken man to the core. To ashamed to tell anyone, to ashamed to talk to anyone because you feel no one will ever understand the unfair hand you were just dealt.
Marriages don't always end over infidelity or money, sometimes people simply grow a part and instead of making sure each other is good before they part ways, they rather become bitter and evil towards one another. Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth. There are many things that need to be discussed before you get married - marriage isn't something you willy nilly jump into! You should date, and then be engaged for at least two years before you marry someone. Make sure your job and life is stable. Look and listen for red flags: those are warning signs. If you can't tolerate him leaving the toilet seat up now what makes you think you'll be able to tolerate it later? The little foxes (Song of Solomon 2:15) always destroy the vine because they grow and morph into full grown, bloodthirsty wolves.
A lot of people say divorce is not an option, but sometimes divorce is the only option. Sometimes you're running from Egypt only to escape into Babylon. I don't condone people divorcing and not going through counseling to at least see if the marriage is worth saving or should the cord by pulled? Either way it goes, after 16 years of marriage, trust me, I know what I'm talking about. Marriage is no joke, it is intense pressure of two adults trying to live together and compromise on a daily basis.
Its a great, wonderful, sweet thing, but it can get ugly as well. There's a thin line between love and hate, so if you're married in this day and time you better be prepared for work, because marriage is work and nothing more. But just like work, there's a payoff. So if the marriage is GOD ordained the work will be respected because you're looking at the payoff and not the labor. You're looking at happiness and not sadness. You're looking at the gain and not the pain.